Jeeves and the Baiser Florentin, final chapter!

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Title: Jeeves and the Baiser Florentin
Author: Wotwotleigh
Chapter: This is the 6th and final installment!
Pairing:  Jeeves/Bertie
Summary: Jeeves proposes an unusual solution to a young couple's romantic dilemma.
Rating: G
Words: 1,476 (out of a total of 12,131)
Disclaimer: Jeeves and Bertie belong to Wodehouse. I'm just writing this for fun. 

Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 is here.
Part 4 is here.
Part 5 is here.

Finally done! I may polish this up a bit in the future -- we shall see.

 

This sudden departure of v-shaped depressions from my horizon had left me considerably bucked. Although you will seldom find Bertram smiling before getting himself around the outside of the morning oolong, I was now displaying the pearly whites like nobody's business. I may not have actually greeted Jeeves with a tra-la-la on my lips, but it wouldn't have taken much to push me to the singing point.

"What ho, Jeeves!" I said.

"Good morning, sir," he replied. "I trust you had a restful night?"

"Absolutely abominable," I said cheerfully.

He elevated an eyebrow sympathetically. "I am sorry to hear that, sir."

I waved an airy hand. "Think nothing of it. We Woosters are resilient. We rise upon the stepping stones of our dead selves to higher whatsits."

"A commendable attitude, sir."

"Thank you, Jeeves. I rather thought so myself."

"Miss Gascoigne called this morning, sir, while you were asleep," he informed me as he deposited the tray of morning comestibles on the recumbent form. "I believe you will be most gratified to hear the details of our communication."

"I have, and I am," I replied, bunging some butter onto a piece of toast in a jaunty manner. "I was awake for the duration of your powwow. I heard all. Absolutely topping, Jeeves. It's funny how things work themselves out."

"Most satisfactory, sir."

"What a girl, Jeeves!"

"A most charming young lady."

"Such sympathy! Such understanding!"

"Yes, sir."

"You know, Jeeves, if it weren't for the fact that marrying her is the last thing I'd want to do, she'd be just the sort of girl I'd want to marry."

He gave me one of those looks, like a doting mother who has just observed her dimwitted child doing something particularly goofy. "Well, sir . . ."

I dismissed him with one of those light laughs. "No need to get the breeze up, Jeeves. I was merely making idle chit-chat. I suppose," I went on, pausing to toss a kipper down the hatch, "that you were probably about to bring up the subject of this jewelry box."

"I did intend to touch upon the matter presently, sir. Miss Gascoigne found the item among her effects, and was under the impression that it belonged to you."

"Well, she had the right dope, Jeeves. It does belong to me. It won't for long, though. I'm signing the thing over to you instanter."

"Sir?"

"It's a gift. Go on, have a look," I said, proffering the box.

He took it and subjected the contents to a brief examination. There was a sort of vague softening of the finely chiseled f., and the south-east corner of his mouth moved upwards about two millimeters. It was clear that the gesture had gotten right in amongst him and stirred him to his depths.

"Thank you, sir," he said. "You are most kind."

"Think nothing of it. I saw you mooning over them a few weeks ago when we met outside of Bollinger, and I thought they would look rather sharp on you. Nifty little things, what?"

"They do have a simple elegance which is quite attractive, sir."

"Rather like you, eh, Jeeves?" I said, and as soon as I said it, I realized it was a rather rummy thing to say. If Fungus had been there, I'm sure he would have commented on the shade of vermillion that was undoubtedly mantling the upper slopes. I tried to jab nonchalantly at a poached egg, but only succeeded in upsetting the restoring cuppa. "Oh, gosh!" I exclaimed, for lack of anything better to say.

"Allow me, sir," said Jeeves, and he deftly whisked away the tray and began dabbing at my torso with a tea towel that he seemed to have produced from thin air.

I don't know if you have ever been overcome by one of those strange impulses – you know, the sort that suddenly compels you to prod an unsuspecting chap in the hindquarters with your umbrella, or propose marriage to Bobbie Whickam. Well, I was struck by one of these impulses now. I grabbed the nearest available portion of Jeeves, which happened to be his right lapel, and yanked. He toppled forward with a startled "Oof!" – not a sound I knew to be in his repertoire – and I proceeded to enfold him in a clinch that made my work of the previous afternoon look like mere amateur stuff.

We grappled with each other for some moments before finally coming unglued. Jeeves untangled his limbs from my own, and we both passed the space of about a minute breathing stertorously and looking at each other with a wild surmise. I'm fairly sure my knotted and combined locks had separated and were giving the world's fretful porpentine population a run for its money.

Jeeves, who was still partially draped across the Wooster person, was the first to break the pregnant s. "Merciful heavens," he said, and he must have been severely of a doodah, for he forgot to tack on his customary "sir".

"Awfully sorry," I croaked.

"This is scarcely a moment for apologies, sir."

I started. "Really? You mean I haven't just made a colossal ass of myself again?"

"Hardly, sir."

"Golly, Jeeves! You enjoyed that?"

"Profoundly, sir."

I reeled, or would have, if I hadn't been horizontal. A thought had struck me like a thunderbolt. "That kiss you gave me yesterday, when you were teaching me . . ."

"Was not strictly for your edification, sir, no. I must confess that my motives were less than altruistic."

My heart did a few summersaults. "Lord love a duck!" I vociferated. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Yes, sir."

"Gosh!"

I mean to say, what? I had always known Jeeves was fond of me, and that he looked upon my fatheaded antics with an indulgent eye, rather like a kindly shepherd watching over a particularly loony sheep. That his feelings ran deeper than that was headline news to Bertram. It just goes to show that you think you know a chap, only to find out that he's been secretly harboring the tender pash for ages, pining away for you in silence as he presses your trousers day after day.

"Then you wouldn't object to an encore performance?" I said hopefully.

"To say that I would not object would be severely understating the facts, sir."

                "Right ho, Jeeves," I said, and I reeled him in for a second round.

 

---

 

"What do you call it, anyway?" I asked, when we finally resurfaced.

"Sir?"

"That kiss. Surely a wheeze that potent must have a name."

"It is merely a variation on an old technique, sir, known to our Gallic neighbors as a baiser florentine. You may know it as a French kiss."

I gaped. "A French kiss, Jeeves? That's all it is? But even I've heard of a French kiss. I thought this thing was some sort of top-secret gimmick you'd picked up from a Ganymedian guru."

"Not exactly, sir."

"Then why all the cloak and dagger stuff?"

"I do feel that discretion is of the essence in this matter, sir, for various reasons." 

"Well, you always know best, Jeeves. I defer to your copious wisdom."

"Thank you, sir."

Another thought percolated through the old grey matter. "What about Margie and Fungus? Will there be a happy ending for those two young blisters?"

"I am inclined to believe so, sir. Both parties appear strongly motivated to surmount their differences."

"So they do. Still, we must keep our eyes peeled for further developments on that front. You never can be certain. You remember what happened with Madeline and Gussie."

"Vividly, sir."

"But there's no point furrowing the brow about it now. Sufficient unto the day is the thingummy, what?"

"Precisely, sir."

I paused to rest the bean thoughtfully on Jeeves's well-formed shoulder, for throughout the above spot of dialogue we were still comfortably intertwined. Somehow it hadn't occurred to either one of us to resume our habitual stations, and I wasn't about to bring the matter up. Let things sort themselves out naturally, was my general feeling on the subj.   

"I say," I said, "what about us?"

"Sir?"

"I mean, well . . . dash it, you know what I mean. Any more of those baisers in the forecast?"

"I am amenable if you are, sir."

"With knobs on."

"I am delighted to hear it, sir."

We took a brief recess to give it another go.

"You really are a wonder, Jeeves," I said reverently, once we had unlocked the lips.

"Thank you, sir."

"I say, Jeeves."

"Sir?"

"These . . . these heliotrope pyjamas."

"Yes, sir?"

"If you like," I said, and I don't say there wasn't a tear in my eye as I did so, "you can destroy them."

I'll be dashed if the fellow didn't smile at me. "I wouldn't dream of it, sir."

 

Comments

[doctorpancakes.livejournal.com]

This.

This whole thing has just been dashed, jolly well, dashed perfect. Their voices are spot-on and it was so sweet and perfect and I may have got a little misty-eyed at the end because D'AWW, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.

So thank you for this, because it was awesome.

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you! I'm so glad you have enjoyed it. It's been a blast writing it.

[erynn999.livejournal.com]

They are just So Damned Adorable here. Thanks for finally finishing this up. I'm utterly delighted! *d'awww*

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3 I'm so glad you've enjoyed it.

[coffee-n-retcon.livejournal.com]

What you've written before has been fabulous, but this... This is one of those rare pieces that I can instantly and effortlessly visualize as I'm reading it, as if it were being acted out before me. Absolutely spiffing!

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. This was by far the most difficult part to write. (Not difficult in the sense that I didn't enjoy it -- just keeping the characters in character and not losing that Wodehousian style.)

[the-archandroid.livejournal.com]

awww, yay!! This was so sweet and well done! Thank you so much for sharing it with us all.

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading, and for the lovely comments! <3

[durffy.livejournal.com]

Delicious!! You have a definite gift for writing a la Wodehouse. This was so enjoyable, like reading a story only recently discovered in dear Plum's papers.

Especially enjoyable in that you kept the lovley, innocent tone throughout--a tricky thing to do, and you made it seem effortless!!

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! <3

[saylee.livejournal.com]

So adorable! This is the perfect ending for a delightful story. Also, I am in love with Jeeves's "Merciful heavens".

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

:D Thank you!

[trista-zevkia.livejournal.com]

Merciful heavens indeed! Spot on Wodehouse-ian, with the jokes and dialogue and characters. And I love that Bertie pulled Jeeves to him on an impulse, so perfectly Bertie like. Love it!

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

Just lovely!

[georgeodowd.livejournal.com]

Genius. Pure, undilluted genius.

[wotwotleigh.livejournal.com]

*Beams* Thank you so much!