Jeeves and the Paisley Employer

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Title: Jeeves and the Paisley Employer
Pairing: Jooster
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Characters not mine, just playing with them.
Summary: I was trying to do a kink meme story, but once again it got too dashed long to try to post as a series of comments.
Warning: One of the kinkier prompts. Can’t mention which prompt it is above the cut, as the mention would be NSFW.
Prompt: The rectal thermometer one. I’ve been sitting on this one for over a week, as I’ve been a little scared to post something this odd. But, I did write it so I may as well put it out here.



Never let it be said that I am not a fan of lounging about in bed. A day without my morning repast and a bit of chit chat with Jeeves whilst my covers are still tucked about my corpus is a day off to a bad start. Still, when one cannot leave bed outside of a few hygienic necessities, one suddenly yearns for healthy exercise.

"Jeeves!" I called for my valet. I'd been summoning him to my sickbed so often that the poor man must feel like a marathon runner by now.

Jeeves barely disturbed the door as he shimmered in. "Yes, sir?"

"Jeeves, excellent news. The spots are definitely fading now. So, I think I will wear-"

"No, sir."

"-the suit with the-"

"No."

I flinched slightly at Jeeve's dropping of the usual formalities. The man was serious.

"I feel fine. This all seems so silly."

"Your doctor was most adamant, sir. Many people are very sick right now. If you do have this season's flu then you must remain abed for the duration. In fact, he rang this afternoon and left strict instruction to monitor your temperature. If it rises too much then you should start on a medicinal regimen immediately."

"What, that foul smelling witch's brew you brought home? I will never understand why you bought four bottles of the bally stuff."

"I had to get two complete courses of the medicine, sir. If I fall ill from tending you, how else would I have any remedy?"

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. You also bought enough food to last us through a siege."

"Yes, and I have been doing my best to cook much of it into pre-made meals. Until we can be sure that there are no sick persons in this house, I should not go to the market again."

"Oh, right."

"Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to finish the soup before returning to take and record your temperature."

"Why, not just bung it in my mouth? I think I can handle that much on my own."

As Jeeves faded from sight I heard him utter the following odd words. "Sir, he was most emphatic that the oral method would not suffice." At the time, I had no idea what deep meaning those words had.

A few dreadfully long, boring minutes passed. Jeeves finally melted back into the room with a notepad, a pen, a cloth, a jar and new thermometer. I felt faint tremblings in the air, like something great or terrible was about to happen.

"Not the oral method, eh? How else is one supposed to take a bally reading? Are you going to stick that up my nose?"

"No, sir. There is another orifice that is preferred if a truly accurate reading is desired. If you would be so good as to lay on your stomach? It would be a great deal easier if you placed a pillow under your hips."

"Jeeves, I say! But where? That would only ... the only ... orifice is ... it's... you can't possibly mean there!"

"Yes, sir. Your rectal temperature will need to be recorded daily until your doctor says otherwise."

"Jeeves, I cannot tolerate this or staying in bed any longer. Lay out my clothes and fetch the paper. That will leave me ready to face this day."

"There has been no paper delivery today."

"What? That is odd. Why could that be?"

"The paperboy is likely sick."

"Could they not just send another lad?"

"If enough of their youthful workforce is ill, it would be hard to cover all the routes."

"What about post? I haven't had a letter in a week."

"Per a conversation with the doorman, postal service is now every three days."

"What is the empire coming to? I ask you, Jeeves."

"Sir, many people are sick. Very sick. If you worsen, then this record may hold the key to knowing if you can stay here, or if you should be sent to the hospital. If you refuse, we may need to send you away in any case."

Staying in this bed seemed like the dullest thing possible mere moments ago, now this little rectangle of pillows and sheets seemed like a glorious haven. I took a deep breath and reached for a pillow.

"I am terribly sorry for you, old thing, that you need to take part in this as well." There was, perhaps, a second or two of quavering in my words, but my resolve was firm. I would endure this as gracefully as possible. My words were true, what an ignoble thing for a valet to do.

I knelt on my bed, pillow in hand, facing a terrible puzzle. I don't know if you have ever needed to bare your rear end in front of someone who is not only a paragon of men and someone that is very dear to you, but also someone who is very formal and correct. What was the proper way to go about things? Dropping my pants and then laying down would lead to revealing the other embarrassing bit of the old Wooster corpus. Laying down first would make it hard to push down my pants, and might lead to me waggling my nether cheeks in the air while I struggled with it. I felt desperate to not make this situation worse by choosing the wrong way. Jeeves, as always, illuminated the path for me.

"Sir, drop your pants and then lay down."

I did so, and quickly. Instantly, I began to hate my bedding. Being a lay-about par exellence, I had outfitted myself with luxurious silk sheets and duvet covers. The way the silk covered down felt on my groin was a sensation I struggled to ignore. Now, I hear you cry "Bertram, what of your pajamas? Those are real silk, are they not?" They are, most assuredly, but I wear a proper pair of cotton shorts underneath them.

A moment later I felt a cold, slick pressure in a part of my body that I don't like to think about. I squirmed in response, which rubbed sensitive parts of my body against the fine fabrics beneath me. There were two more effects that my movement had. The first was that it caused the glass tube to shift inside me, making the sensations greater, not lesser. The second was that Jeeves's hands came down on me. One large, solid hand pressed on the small of my back, pinning me down. The other hand came to rest lightly over the exposed, rounded bits of me as he steadied the thermometer inside. The urge to thrust my hips was nearly unbearable; I guess that was my body's wanting to get away from the odd sensations.

"Now you must wait five minutes, sir, and be still through all of it."

I strengthened my resolve. I would bear this out with no more fuss. The warmth of his hands was actually rather soothing. I tried to focus on that and not on the slick invader slowly warming inside me. I felt oddly relaxed by the time Jeeves finally pulled the bally thing out of me. I did feel a bit warm, actually, perhaps I was headed for days of sick misery after all.

Jeeves wiped the rod carefully and showed it to me. "One hundred degrees, sir."

My invaluable valet certainly had the last word then. I was feverish. Perhaps being feverish was why I could not tell that I was feverish. Jeeves recorded the scrap of data and melted from the room. After that, let me tell you that the old thing had a much more cooperative sick person for which to care. I read my Agatha Christy quietly. I tucked into a lovely bowl of chicken soup while still tucked into the covers. Jeeves did allow me out of bed long enough to have a relaxing hot drink in front of the fireplace when I couldn't sleep, hot chocolate with a good measure of whiskey and freshly made whipped cream on top.

Now, my man always looks after me. There is something different about being looked after when one is sick, though. My lightly fevered body was filled with warm and gentle feelings every time he pulled blankets up over my shoulders or laid the back of his hand to my forehead. During my failed attempts at sleep, I just lay there thinking about the brilliant and fascinating man who followed me through life, close but distant at the same time. I had caught enough glimpses of the man that he hides beneath his perfectly developed formal sentences, stiff collars and deft tea service to have a good feel for his true self. In fact, a few weeks ago I could tell that the poor thing was bored out of his wits, so I went and had lunch with Miss Wickham, knowing that trouble would follow. Two called-off engagements, a rescued pig, purloined salt cellar and a disposed-of peach coloured shirt later and Jeeves was a new man. As a gift of gratitude for sorting out the mess I'd contrived, I bought him the book on Greek poetry that caught his eye every time we walked by Chester and Mortinsons Booksellers, Ltd. I replayed every detail in my mind until I finally drifted off.

The next morning, it took more cups of tea than normal to shake the fuzziness out of my head. Jeeves sensibly informed me that he would take my temperature before I bathed. His reasoning had to do with the warmth of the bath messing up the readings, while mine was more that it would be silly to get all clean and then deal with the slimy salve.

Still, my apprehension was greater this time. I now knew the full scope of what lay before me: silk draped down that would conform as perfectly to any part of my body as it did to my head, the strange feelings inside me and large, commanding hands around my outside. I did feel warm, with achyness in some of the bally oddest places. Though I could feel my face flush, I obediently prepared myself.

Jeeves murmured "Thank you, sir." He then pressed a hand down on my lower back. He was going to hold me in place from the start this time. The cold slickness entered me very slowly and carefully. I tensed my throat to keep from releasing a soft whine. Again, his hands on my backside led me to go from being snarled with stress to being as limp as the glossy sheets I laid on. Well, every part of my body but one relaxed, one bit just seemed to grow more stiff, despite my efforts.

When he withdrew the intrusive cylinder, he gave the same news as the day before. "One hundred degrees again, sir."

"Really, Jeeves?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, dash it."

"Shall I draw your bath now, sir?"

"Very well. I can get all clean and spiffy for another day of bed lounging."

As I moved my legs my pajama top slid up my back.

"Sir, I admit to being most perplexed, but the red dots and splotches on your back almost look like paisley,."

"What? Let me see." I pulled up my pants, trying to keep my front away from Jeeves. I took off my shirt and went to stand next to my mirror. "Now that I come to fully see the marks, it reminds me of one of the rugs down at the Drones." I continued.

"Sir?"

"Yes, we had a bit of a rowdy time and I got all sopping wet. I took off my clothes to let them dry and wrapping myself up in a rug just seemed like a good thing to do at that point. I suspect that may have led to me getting sick."

"Sir, I think that you may not be sick after all."

"Jeeves, there is a flaw in your logic. Have you forgotten my fever?"

"Fever, sir?"

"I clocked in at a hundred full degrees, Jeeves. Perhaps that doctor should have told you, but that is a touch high."

"Actually, sir... that is perfectly normal for a rectal temperature." I noted the slight pause and wondered what it meant.

"What?"

"There is a difference of a few degrees between a typical oral temperature and a rectal one, sir."

"But, I've felt achy and fuzzy."

"Those effects may be due to forcing a healthy person to act like an invalid."

"I felt feverish, especially when your hands held me still."

"Likely the effect of the stimulation from the thermometer, sir."

"No, I had that same warm and fluttery feeling you often inspire in me, only more so." Then the thought occurred to me that my good health would mean no more hands on my back or having the blankets tucked around me. I felt the loss keenly. Ironically, now I wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed. One mustn't let standards slip, though.

"A bath then, my good man. That your employer's very skin is printed with a garish red paisley must gnaw horribly at your fine sensibilities." I said with as much vigor as I could muster, which was not very much at all.

Rather than leaping to the task, Jeeves fixed me with an odd look. Under his scrutiny I felt like a piece of clothing that needed repair. His eyes flickered up and down my frame. I knew that I had an unseemly tenting of my bottoms, which I prayed he would ignore. I doubted that it was a proper sort of response to have. My cheeks flushed. I felt flawed and exposed in front of the most perfect person to ever breathe air.

Then, the most extraordinary thing happened, one of his arms came up around my back and he pulled me towards him. Not having my, admittedly feeble, wits about me, I sort of stumbled forward until I was leaning against him. Oh, did the closeness feel good. I pressed my face into his shoulder. Almost involuntarily I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the scent of slightly scorched starch and his mildly spicy aftershave. His other arm came up, securing me solidly against him. I did not know what had brought this on, but I was terrified of it ever ending. I brought my arms up and just clung to him. He pulled my shoulder forward so that my body was flush with his. This motion brought the aching flesh in my pants against him. The pleasure that pressure brought was overwhelming. Confusion crowded my brain with questions. Why was he doing this? Why did my body react so? Why did this pressure against my groin ease the ache? How could I stay within Jeeves's arms forever?

"Sir, let's get you sitting in the bed."

So that was it. He had seen the energy rush from me. He was just tending to a sick master. What else could I expect? What the bally hell was wrong with me anyway? I made him sit with me by the simple expedient of simply refusing to let go of him.

"Bertram."

The unexpected use of my given name caused me to jerk my head up and look at him. He leaned in and kissed me. My confusion and fear melted away. It was not that I reached any understanding of what was going on, rather that the pleasure of those lips brushing and pressing against mine left no room for anything else. I was shaking when his tongue pressed into my mouth. I tasted tea and some new flavor, which must have been the taste of Jeeves himself.

He leaned over, causing both of us to lie on our sides on the bed. I shifted my hips, wanting to press my groin into him again, to feel that blissful pressure. Jeeves responded by slipping a hand into my under shorts and grasping the shaft within. I gasped and bucked my hips. The thrust caused my cock to slide back and forth in his grip, creating amazing sensations.

"I love you, my dear Bertram." Jeeves said in my ear, his breath on said ear making me feel even squirmier.

I whimpered and let my hips buck as much as they wanted. You might find this unbearably thick of me, but only after I ejaculated and was laying panting in his arms did my brain start to put things together. My strange feelings had been me reacting to him in the way I was supposed to react to women, but never did. The love he referred to was the romantic sort, the kind that usually leads to marriage and kids. Furthermore, I had just had sex with the man I loved. There was a very, very good chance that I would have as many Jeevesian embraces and kisses as I could handle from here on out.

I tried to speak, but nothing intelligible came out. Jeeves responded with a fond chuckle. It was a warm, rich sound that every bit of my body reacted to. I was very aware of his morning attire pressed into my bare skin. That didn't seem quite fair. I tried to pull my thoughts together.

"Jeeves, oh, my dear love, you've made me feel so wonderful and I want to ... is 'reciprocate' the word I want? This blissful feeling of being loved and also, oh, what would you call it? I feel oddly satisfied, like almost every need my soul has, has just been met. I want you to feel the same way."

"Almost, Bertram?"

"Well, all this proper clothing is keeping me from resting directly on your chest, feeling your warmth and smelling your skin instead of wool and cotton."

He started to undo his collar and tie. "I, also, would like to feel your skin against mine. That would be a strong start towards me achieving my own satisfaction."

I reached up to undo his shirt buttons, which was a bit silly as he was still wearing a jacket and waistcoat. Seeing bits of his neck and chest was intoxicating. I reached up to explore the sides of his neck with my hands, and his eyes drifted shut in pleasure. That I could do such a thing, make him feel pleasure, was thrilling. I felt his hand between us, starting on the fastenings of his waistcoat and suspenders. He pulled away for a moment, to shed layers and layers of cloth, leaving a bare chest for me to cuddle up against. His nipples were dark against his pale skin, I reached up to touch the one not under my cheek. I paid careful attention to his responses as I pressed and rubbed that little nub of flesh. When I nuzzled the one under my cheek, his gasps grew louder. I felt strangely moved to kiss it, which also drew favorable response.

He shifted so that crotch was pressed against me, I could feel the hardness there. I reached down to cup it, wanting to feel him. He rubbed at my hand through his pants.

"Bertram, I know this is new to you. If you are nervous about undoing or reaching into my pants, please don't feel like you have to."

"Actually, undoing your pants seems like a ripping good idea to me. I want to feel it, I want it in my hands." The buttons of his fly came away easily, as did the button fastening the waist of his undershorts. The skin over his erect penis was so soft. It felt so good, so right in my hand. I stroked him gently. The groans I was hearing started to deepen. I felt his strong arms tighten around my back. I looked up and the sight that met my eyes nearly made me fall apart. There was nothing stoic or reserved left in his face. He was flushed and his mouth was open. His eyes, which usually only betrayed the faintest flicker of emotion, were open and expressive, and also fixed on yours truly. I sort of leaned up so I could press my lips to his. One of his hands came up to cup the back of my head, holding me in place so he could kiss me thoroughly. His hips started thrusting and I had to concentrate a good bit to keep stroking him despite all the movement and the awkwardness of the angles. I must have managed it decently, because a few moments later he was shuddering and I felt a hot splash of liquid against my stomach. I clung to his larger frame, even though his panting was causing me to rock back and forth.

When he seemed to have calmed somewhat I said, "I love you."

"I was rather hoping that was the case, because I love you completely." His voice, usually even and serene, was full of warmth and intonation.

"I'm still paisley" Well, I didn't know what else to say. He laughed a bit at that, a reaction I both heard and felt.

"You've also gotten rather sticky. We will have to do something about that in a bit. For now, I am most content just to lay here."

"As long as I am in your arms I am happy, blissfully happy."

We shifted around a bit until our naked selves were under the covers.

"You deliberately let me think I had a fever so that I would behave." I accused.

"You got into that mess with Miss Wickham so I could rescue you, and you would have an excuse to buy me a book."

"Well, you were bored. Did you think I didn't notice the store-bought pasta sauce? For a Jeeves that is practically sulking. Something had to be done."

"I wasn't bored I was just, well, lonely. When things are going well I don't have you confiding in me and seeking me out constantly. There is a closeness a crisis brings, one I didn't dare presume to continue once the storm had passes."

"Oh, Jeeves, you poor thing. Well, at least there is a certain intimacy being paisley brings, which led to all sorts of discoveries. Though, I do hope you will continue to presume when I am pale and unpatterned again?"

"My dear Bertram, you do not yet even know all the things I intend to presume."

"At least I wont have to deal with you sticking things up my bum any more."

"As I said ..."

"What?"

"I love you, my Bertram."

Comments

[raindrop-fairy.livejournal.com]

"At least I wont have to deal with you sticking things up my bum any more."

"As I said ..."

"What?"

"I love you, my Bertram."


^^That was my favourite part!

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Yay :) I am glad you liked it. I couldn't resist sticking in that bit at the end.

[erynn999.livejournal.com]

I am delighted and exceedingly amused. Lovely story, well done!

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I am so glad you liked it :)

[reginaldrobot.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I enjoyed this immensely, what a delightful story.

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :)

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

Tee hee! That was cute. Now one wonders if everyone really was that sick, or if Jeeves was just getting rid of any distractions.

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) Jeeves can be tricky, I am unsure myself.

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

awwwwww! sexy and cute as hell, and here I was thinking Jeeves' over-protectiveness was due to his remembering the Spanish flu scare of the WW1 era! and I LOVE Bertie inventing a problem because he sees Jeeves got bored!

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Yay, I am glad you liked it. The boys each have their ways of taking care of each other :)

[storyfan.livejournal.com]

A lovely little story. Thanks for posting it.

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it :)

[mutant-biscuits.livejournal.com]

Absolutely gorgeous! And I too love the idea of Bertie getting himself in trouble just to keep Jeeves happy - a motivation that gives us a whole new view of the canon, really (he wasn't that stupid after all...) :D

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :) How would Jeeves get a chance to shine without Bertie's dilemmas?

[applea.livejournal.com]

AWWW~!

Hot and cute and sexy and snuggly all at once! You win my heart and a cadillac. :3

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Yay :) Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.

[anansie-s.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is -- you took this prompt and somehow made it funny, sweet, and sexy. Impressive! And I love scheming Jeeves.

"I'm still paisley" is the best ever response to "I love you completely."

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :)

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

*giggle* Ohhhh, cute as heckabetsy ending there. All of it, adorable, well written, and just so lovely in its Jeevesness and Woosterness!
Well done, you!

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :)

[gini-baggins.livejournal.com]

Heeee I just love the end, adorable Bertie :D

Loved this! Thank you very much :))