indeedsir_backup | Fic: Oceans, part 11 (PG-13)

Pairing: Bertie/Jeeves
Rating: PG-13

part 10 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/722065.html#cutid1
part 9 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/715646.html#cutid1
part 8 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/709635.html#cutid1
part 7 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/707880.html#cutid1
part 6 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/704354.html#cutid1
part 5 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/701596.html#cutid1
part 4 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/695505.html#cutid1
part 3 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/693063.html#cutid1
part 2 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/689461.html#cutid1
part 1 http://community.livejournal.com/indeedsir/687730.html#cutid1

Disclaimer: I have no claim on the lovely works of Wodehouse.

I stopped by the side of the road to purchase a bouquet of cabbage roses for Mr. Wooster, knowing that the gesture would soften him. The short walk seemed to take no time at all, and I felt my nerves begin to fray as I entered the lift and finally faced the front door. I opened it to find Mr. Wooster pacing, a distraught shadow over his dear, sweet features.

“Jeeves.” He croaked, brokenly. I presented him with the flowers, and he grinned, hope beginning to dawn on him. “You forgive…?”

“There is nothing to forgive.” I assured him. “My behavior was quite unacceptable, sir.” He placed the flowers onto a side table and pulled me against him in a tight embrace. I returned it, sighing into his hair.

“I do love you, old thing.” He mumbled against me. “I don’t know how to prove it, but you’re dashed well everything to me. I couldn’t face all of it alone.” Again, that quiet sniffle.

“It does not need proving, sir.” I replied, stroking back his hair. “I never stopped loving you for a moment. “ I broke the embrace to lead him to the settee, urging him to sit beside me. He leaned against me instead, draping my arm over his shoulder.

“I don’t understand. I thought I could see it all in your eyes, what you wanted; but you won’t take it.” He looked away. “Why?”

“I do not want to lose your trust, sir. I cannot hurt you, or use you. You need stability, sir.” There was so much more I wished to say, but I knew not where to begin.

“I like that.” He murmured, touching the hand that was stroking his hair. “This feels stable to me. I used to dream of being held like this, you know. A big, strong man holding me like I was something precious.” He sighed, wistfully. “Was it a memory, Jeeves? Did you always hold me like this?” He squeezed my arm, possessively.

“Only for one night.” The words dredged up painful memories. “You were my treasure that once, before the sea took you from me.”

“Only once?” he asked, quietly surprised. “It’s got such a hold on me, Jeeves.“

“I wished it to be more than once.” I assured him.

“All that dreaming, from one night.” He sighed. “All the nightmares, too.”

“Nightmares, sir?” A fresh worry settled over me.

He nodded. “I remember how cold the water was. You helped me down, didn’t you, and you didn’t hear when I cried out to you. I saw the metal sheet come down, and I reached for you, but you weren’t moving, and my hand came back with so much blood… “ His eyes filled with tears. “I thought you were dead…”

“Sir, you are remembering.” No matter how horrific those memories were, I had to encourage them.

“Yes, the one thing I don’t care to remember!” He squeezed me, tightly. “I remember scraps, and usually only in my dreams. Those dreams, when I remember them, make me so bally miserable that I’m not right the rest of the day.” He replied. “Today was one of those days, the worst one yet, I rather think. Still, it’s something, I suppose. You’re absolutely right.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, pushing back the demons once more.

Again, I buried my nose in his hair and kissed him, reassuringly. “Shall we face it together, sir?”

He nodded. “You know, Jeeves… I’d sleep better with you next to me.” He eyed me, hopefully. “I wasn’t with anyone this year, but I knew what I liked, and you, dear old thing, are it, the full course meal, if you will. I know you think I rely on you too much now, but you used to like that, didn’t you?”

His words struck a chord in me that left me speechless. I could not deny that his need has always been my weakness, but he had never used that knowledge to the end of winning my favor. My resolve wavered. I had always let him lean on me. I had always guided him, subtly, with no ill effects, so would now be any different? Perhaps, I was so distraught that I was failing to trust my own instincts, and it would be grossly unfair to expect Mr. Wooster to trust me in turn if I had so little faith in myself. He needed me to be strong for him.

“I wouldn’t be brave enough to say anything if you hadn’t said what you did about that letter. I know what I want, Jeeves. I want to sort this mess out together. You say you love me, and I’ve fallen for you twice now, so won’t you just, please…”

Mr. Wooster has never been one for speeches, and his features contorted with discomfort at his lack of eloquence. The effort he was making could melt a heart of ice.

“I will, sir. I just needed you to know that I would be here for you regardless of the circumstances.” I would have said more, if Mr. Wooster had not kissed me deeply. I swooned for a moment before I returned the kiss, savoring his eagerness. This was my Bertram as I knew him, as I had despaired of having again. My fingers closed tightly on him, and my confidence soared.

“I’ve had enough remembering for today, old top.” He mumbled into my ear. “Make me forget for awhile, and we’ll start sorting it out tomorrow...”

He led me to his bedroom, and I followed, as though in a trance.