[identity profile] emeraldreeve.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] indeedsir_backup

Fic: Love Never Dies

Chapter Four

Author: Emerald

Beta: jestana and windysame 

Thank you for the wonderful look over!

Disclaimer: Jeeves and Wooster belong to Wodehouse, and I thank him for them.

Rating: R for this story. Slash.

 

 

As soon as the door shut behind Jeeves that night, Bertie propped himself up with a pillow and considered his situation. He had believed that he was doing well concerning Jeeves; always keeping the man at a distance and never letting his true feelings show, until today.

 

Today, Bertie frowned; today he let himself spend hours with Jeeves. They had behaved like friends and while they certainly were friends, it was not good for his heart to let his guard down like that. He was happy to have Jeeves back in his service and very determined for that happiness to be enough. He would be content with what he had in life and not long for anything else from Jeeves.

 

He had been doing well until that blasted dream had stirred up his feelings of love; until he had been given a vision that was both positively delightful and probably a bit disgraceful at the same time. It definitely had trampled upon the Code of the Woosters. And yet...

 

The image of Jeeves as a Roman slave was vivid and just as clear was the feeling of being not just loved but cherished as their bodies had joined.

 

Bertie sighed. A gentleman simply did not take advantage of a servant and Jeeves... his mind suddenly decided to be stubborn and insert, 'You're really referring to Julius not Jeeves, and Julius wanted Lucius. Jeeves doesn't want you.'

 

This was a hard, painful truth, and Bertie hastily shoved it aside. He already knew that Jeeves had no interest in him; dwelling on it would not help.

 

He was still not pleased about the dream. Telling himself that he was not Lucius brought no solace. He could not really fault Lucius; the man had been as honourable as he could be. He had freed Julius and made certain that his friend had enough money to leave if that had been his servant's desire. True, he had been very slow in realising his feelings toward Julius, but Bertie could hardly blame him for being a dimwit. It had taken Bertie over a year to fully comprehend his feelings toward Jeeves and the nature of them.

 

Once more the image of Lucius and Julius making love came to Bertie's mind. He could, also, remember far too easily the stories Julius had whispered in Lucius' ears. Tales of Weni and Ramose and of Jason and Bion. Accounts that he said had been given to him in a dream, perhaps by someone that lived long after his own life. Lucius had claimed not to believe any of it, but he never tired of hearing the stories, and often had Julius tell them to him.

 

The trouble was, Bertie reflected, that he wasn't enough of a dimwit. If he was as mentally negligible as Jeeves believed him to be, he wouldn't realise that the dream was nothing more than his heart giving him what he could not have. It was a rummy consolation for his heart to choose because he had to wake up eventually and face the truth once more. Jeeves was not Julius or Ramose or Jason, and he did not love Bertram Wooster. Those were the facts and pining over them would not change them.

 

It was Pauline's fault, Bertie concluded. All that rot about Kings and Christian slaves. She had put nonsense into his lemon and now he was to be tortured with it.

 

With a firm, “No more rot,” Bertie settled back into the bed.

 

It was only a short time later that he found himself standing in a hallway. Although he only recalled being here once before, it felt as familiar to him as Brinkley Court. He had walked this passageway many times; he was certain of it.

 

A door farther down beckoned him with the light coming from it, but Bertie hesitated. It was his choice, he knew, and if he decided to go through that door, it would only bring about pain and longing later as it would make him desire Jeeves even more.

 

How long he stood there, trying to decide, Bertie did not know, but his heart suddenly decided for him. This was the only way he would ever have Jeeves; he might as well take what he could. At the end of a lonely day, it might be some comfort.

 

With that in mind, Bertie walked to the entryway and stepped through, into a room lit by a fireplace and some candles on a table, where a man sat diligently writing. There was huge dog resting near his chair, and he prevented Bertie from moving forward. People could not sense his presence, but a dog might be a different matter.

 

As Bertie hesitated the door next to him opened and closed. The man at the desk stood up and with love evident in his tone, said, “Bertwald.”

 

The name was so close to Bertram that Bertie stepped forward, only to realise that the open arms were not meant for him.

 

It was but the work of a moment, Bertie reflected, for the two to be in each other's arms. The dog had paid no attention to the entire exchange, and Bertie inched closer. His heart caught as he heard the man holding his past self whisper words of eternal love into Bertwald's ears.

 

Despite knowing that they could not hear him, Bertie protested, “You won't. It ends with me, but I guess it's just as well that he doesn't know that.”

 

Several minutes later, the two had separated and were sitting across from each other. They were still expressing mutual admiration, and Bertie stared at them in disbelief. He had given Jeeves compliments before, but never at such length. And Jeeves... Jeeves had complimented him at times but not with that tone of voice that spoke of endless love. He certainly believes his own words, Bertie thought. He wondered if they always spoke like that to each other.

 

Bertwald said, “I knew you would not forget.”

 

Forget the day we met? Truly when my eyes first had the joy of resting upon you, it was without warning as a whirlwind swoops on an oak, so love shook my heart.”

 

Bertwald replied, “Sappho in your words, honey to my heart.”

 

They spoke in this manner for several minutes with Bertram Wooster continuing to stare at the man that was supposed to be him. Surely, he had never let such sop drop repeatedly from his lips.

 

Keeping an eye on the dog, Bertie decided to ignore Bertwald completely and went to the man he thought of as Jeeves and put his hand on his shoulder. The same sensation that had seized him when he had touched Julius captured him. Love, an overwhelming love that did not belong to him yet held him close. Bertie felt as if this man's spirit had wrapped his own in an eternal embrace. Sighing with joy, Bertie stood there, letting his heart answer with its own love and devotion.

 

Only when the two began to play a game of cards did Bertie let his hand slip from the man's shoulder. Frowning at Bertwald, he said, “If I want to know his name, I have to deal with you, what?”

 

Bertie started around the table, going slowly due to the dog. Before he had reached the other side, Bertwald said, “Much as I love you, Justin, I'm not letting you win easily.”

 

Bertie came to Bertwald's side and declared, “It would have been nice if you had given me his name a little sooner. The way you talk I was beginning to think that his name was 'dear heart'. I hope you don't speak that rot in public. What time are we in any way? How safe are you?”

 

He was startled when Bertwald, as if to answer him, said, “I'm glad you decided to come to King David's court. When I think of the dismal life I would have were it not for your love, I...”

 

Feeling confused, Bertie asked, “King David? Isn't that the wrong way in time? Aren't we going forward? By Jove, did I bung this up, too?”

 

Bertie put a hand on Bertwald's shoulder. He expected the same thing that had happened when he had touched Lucius to occur once more; an outpouring of memories, most of them good. While Bertie had known that he did not speak the same language as Lucius and Julius, the images had been clear and bright, their thoughts and feelings understandable. He had understood their words, because he could discern the thoughts that went with them.

 

It was different with Bertwald. It seemed to Bertie that he had just stepped into a painting of swirling colours. Everything the man thought and felt was immersed in Latin and mingled with memorised passages of books. Bertwald's thoughts ran like a bright ribbon through the man's mind, and Bertie had trouble deciphering any of them. The only knowledge that he gained was that Bertwald and Justin were scholars in King Charlemagne's court.

 

Removing his hand, Bertie stared at Bertwald in frustration. After a moment's musing over the dilemma, Bertie tried again. This time as he placed his hand on the man's shoulder, he thought of Jeeves and how much he loved him, and like a gentle wave, Bertwald's memories and love for Justin surged into his consciousness.

 

The first meeting came quickly to Bertie. Like a panel in a series of detailed paintings the visualisation was given to Bertie; dark eyes meeting his across a crowded courtyard and the sudden feeling that everything in life had come to completion within the gaze that held his own.

 

The memories went by steadily for Bertie now. The first shared feast and Justin's hand brushing over Bertwald's bringing feelings that neither had experienced before. Bertwald was not certain if Justin had deliberately brushed his hand in an almost seductive gesture, but he was very aware that both of them had been shocked by the resulting passion that had flared between them.

 

When King Charlemagne had requested a story from Bertwald a few minutes later, the scholar had poured forth a tale that must have been witty, judging by the laughter of his audience.

 

Bertwald could not remember a word of his own story. All he recalled of that evening was flashing dark eyes that had first held surprise and then anxiety as they kept returning to Bertwald.

 

Pausing briefly in his account, Bertwald had taken a sip of his wine and given Justin a quick grin before continuing. He had been rewarded with the pleasure of watching the anxiety melt away into a warm gaze filled with delight.

 

Another fond recollection came to Bertie's mind. A wild horse race, neither really set on winning, preferring to keep the other in view. The meadow where they came to a stop was vivid in Bertie's mind. He could see red flowers blowing in the wind and the deep blue sky as clearly as if it was one of his own memories. It was here that Bertwald and Justin had sat for hours, talking and slowly creating a foundation for a life long relationship. Before they had left the little glen, pledges had been spoken and an understanding had been reached.

 

Then came a memory that Bertie shied away from; the night they had first lain together. Bertie had not tried to prevent the images of Lucius and Julius making love from entering his mind, since he had not realised at first that he had a great deal of control over what he saw. Bertwald's recollection faded, but Justin's love continued to cast a bright light over everything that followed in the man's life.

 

The next memory was one of a hunt that had taken place shortly after that afternoon in the meadow. The joy of working with Justin, the excitement of the hunt, and the sheer happiness of knowing that he was loved raced through Bertwald's veins and for a moment Bertie experienced it all.

 

Bertwald's love for Justin began to surge like a raging river into Bertie's consciousness. Initially, he received only the sensation of Bertwald's devotion and how the man cherished learning more about his fascinating friend, before the perceptions centred on one night that was greatly valued.

 

They had been at the evening meal, and 'The City of God' was being read. Bertwald had been surreptitiously watching Justin and suddenly realised that he knew his friend well enough that he could tell which passages were especially liked from just the small flickers of expressions on the man's face.

 

More memories of hunts and horse rides filtered through to Bertie before one recollection came that was held closely to Bertwald's heart. Bertwald loved seeing Justin at the warm springs; hot and wet from the water. As the image imprinted itself in Bertie's mind, he gasped. Nothing and no one was as beautiful as Justin was to Bertwald, and Bertie could not prevent himself from imagining how Jeeves would look; soaked and flushed from heated water.

 

Bertie had just concluded that he should not dwell on these memories when they faded to be replaced by a part of the man's life that he treasured even more. A warm summer afternoon was shown to Bertie. The King often rested in the middle of the day, and his court followed his example. Bertie watched as Bertwald made his way from the library to his room where Justin waited for him. He continued to observe as clothes were shed, and the two reached for each other.

 

The room began to slowly darken, and Bertie felt a tug on his spirit that told him it was time to return home.

 

****************************************************

 

When he awoke the next morning, Jeeves was placing his tea on the stand by his bed. Bertie kept his eyes firmly closed; waiting for the moment when he knew Jeeves would be setting out his clothes and not facing him.

 

Slowly he opened his eyes to stare at his valet, suppressing a sigh. What was it about him that Jeeves could not love? He knew that Jeeves considered him a dimwit, but Lucius could hardly be thought of as brilliant, either. Perhaps, however, Lucius had been an exception. Bertie had no idea what Weni's intelligence had been. He had heard Bertwald and seen his thoughts. The man had been overflowing with intelligence. Bion might not have been the brightest person ever, but he had been clever, and he had known how to handle Jason. Which, Bertie thought, is more than can be said for me.

 

As if to prove that he could not deal with his servant well, Bertie heard Jeeves' soft clearing of his throat and realised that his valet knew he was awake. Sitting up, Bertie reached for his cup, almost spilling the liquid over his hand. He managed a rather gurgled, “What?” before taking a hasty sip of the tea.

 

May I ask how you are doing today, sir?”

 

When I go loony, Jeeves, I guess you'll go back to working for Chuffy, what? No, wait, I remember, you don't wish to work for a married man. Still, you'll do jolly well without Bertram Wooster.”

 

Sir, if something is troubling you, I would be glad to help. I was willing to aid you, even when not in your service, sir.”

 

I know that, old chap. I've no complaints about your feudal spirit. We'll talk later, perhaps, when I've had a chance to sort things through the lemon.”

 

Very good, sir.”

 

Bertie spent almost an hour that day, sitting on a park bench, trying to make some sense of recent events. He wanted to believe the dreams were true, but he could find explanations for them too easily. They gave him what he wanted and knew he could never have. He wished he could talk them over with Jeeves, but that was impossible. Jeeves probably found it difficult enough to work for a mentally negligible employer, adding looniness to his faults might be all it took to cause his valet to walk once more. Worse, Jeeves would see as clearly as he did the reason for those dreams.

 

Bertie recalled the checkers game and the basket filled with his favourite foods along with the rose. Before Jeeves had left his service, he had believed that he understood the man fairly well, but lately his valet had done several things that confused him. Possibly, despite his words to the contrary, Jeeves thought that he was still pipped over their rift.

 

Or maybe, having returned to his service, Jeeves felt he was due a raise. Bertie flinched at the idea. If he was wrong, Jeeves might walk around for days with an attitude that could freeze the sun itself. The pride would be wounded, and it would be days before Bertie could hope for recovery. Bertie decided he would ask Jeeves about his salary only as a last resort. And only, he resolved, as part of a chat about finances, so the suggestion could be slipped in as a casual mention.

 

A sudden deep longing for Ramose swept over Bertie, and he sighed. Pining for Jeeves was bad enough, now it seemed he was going to add rot and nonsense to his desires. He understood the wish, only too well. If he couldn't talk to Jeeves then his mind would insist on going to the man he fancied that he had loved in the beginning; a man who had never failed him.

 

A sudden idea occurred to him. What was to stop him from going to Ramose, if he had another of those dreams? While there was only one light from behind a door each time, that might not mean that he could just enter through one.

 

Putting his head in his hands, Bertie thought, 'Mad. I'm going mad; thinking I can talk to Jeeves in a dream when I can't talk to him when I'm awake. Besides, no one in these dreams ever notices me'.

 

Looking up once more, Bertie took a deep breath. He had been taking everything too personally again. He had made that mistake when he first realised his feelings for Jeeves. He had believed there was something in his basic nature that Jeeves simply could not love. Further reflection, however, had changed his mind. There could be many reasons why Jeeves could not love him that had nothing to do with him. He could only come up with one, however. Possibly, Jeeves had no interest in other chaps, and therefore could not love Bertram Wooster.

 

He should concentrate on what was going on with Jeeves now. Something had changed but what?

 

After attempting to puzzle out Jeeves' motives for some time more, Bertie arrived at a conclusion. Like it or not, he had to talk to Jeeves. He stood, determined to have that chat that evening, as soon as he had bolstered his courage with a few drinks.

 

 

Tbc

 

 

 

 

Date: 2009-08-10 10:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theficklepickle.livejournal.com
Ummm, is there a particular reason for the massive font size? I find it deeply distracting.

Date: 2009-08-10 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theficklepickle.livejournal.com
Yes, that's much better, thank you!!!

Date: 2009-08-10 11:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hazeltea.livejournal.com
Achingly sweet!

Date: 2009-08-10 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] raindrop-fairy.livejournal.com
Are the other parts around somewhere? I don't really understand what's going on, but the story looks really interesting.

Date: 2009-08-10 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] storyfan.livejournal.com
I love opening Indeed Sir and finding another update from you. I'm enjoying watching Bertie make up his own mind about things without seeking advice. Granted, that would be difficult to do in a situation like this, but I have to say it's fun looking inside Bertie's head.

Date: 2009-08-10 07:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pipariperho.livejournal.com
You have no idea how big smile I got when I saw there was an update. I really like this. And as always it's giving me ideas (are you by any chance making a chapter where it is revealed who are the chaps from this time giving the dreams...)

The chance in the POV is good as it gives the idea of what Bertie is feeling and it also gives that extra something, hard to discripe what, probably fangirl's squee to the fluffiness and the slow and sweet progress between Jeeves and Bertie.

Would it be rude to beg for more? Pretty please?

Date: 2009-08-10 08:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mxdp.livejournal.com
Update! Update! update! Yaaaaay :D oh, how wonderful! And finally, they will talk!

Now, what can I say but Update! Update! update! soonish? ;D

Date: 2009-08-11 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toodlepipsigner.livejournal.com
YAY!
It's nice to have a little change in perspective. :)
Ermm *PEDANT ALERT* The tea is currently "spelling" on Bertie's hand, just so you know. *PEDANT MODE OFF*
Lovely! This is one of my fav stories on Indeedsir, btw.

Date: 2009-08-11 02:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cicerothewriter.livejournal.com
I've finally caught up on this series, and I'm enjoying it a lot! I'm a sucker for reincarnation fic.

Date: 2009-08-11 07:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ironicbees.livejournal.com
I'm glad to see an update, and that it's Bertie's POV. :) Poor man, if only he knew what Jeeves was experiencing...It's sad that he just assumes that Jeeves couldn't possibly love him. I'm very interested to see their upcoming talk.

Date: 2009-08-11 09:44 am (UTC)
ext_204191: (Default)
From: [identity profile] charie-caphine.livejournal.com
About time one of them resolves to act in the real life! It's very curious to get that second perspective on the dreams, and it makes one wonder even more about the nature of them. Could Bertie and Jeeves meet inside the dream-scape, for instance? Quite suspenseful.

Such an acutely defeatist attitude is usual even for a fanon-Bertie. The 'mentally negligible' comment feels to noticeably rankle still, just like in the canon.

Your Bertie seems introspective and intelligent; I especially appreciated his sarcastic affront at Bertwald and Jason's soppiness (I'm with him on that subject), and the way he intimately knows Jeeves wouldn't appreciate talk of an unwelcome raise.

Date: 2009-08-11 06:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hephaistia.livejournal.com
Very seewt and adorable! Love the Bertie POV. It's so great you updated.

Looking forward to the next part......

Date: 2009-08-13 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com
Zomg, catching up with the fandom and I find this treasure!

Don't worry, Bertie, it will work out in the end! It is DESTINY!

As always, I am looking forward to the next instalment!

Date: 2009-08-16 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jestana.livejournal.com
W00t! Lovely! Poor Bertie! He really has no idea how loveable he is! *wants to smish him*

Date: 2009-08-17 07:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jestana.livejournal.com
It's hard not to like him. XD

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