Ficlets: "Hypnotic Suggestion" and "1929"
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indeedsir_backupI recently did the drabble/ficlet meme that's been going around and a few Jooster ficlets resulted, so I thought I'd cross-post them here.
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blackletter
Title: Ficlet 1: Hypnotic Suggestion; Ficlet 2: 1929
Rating: F for Fluffy. (Or G, if you prefer the more conventional rating system)
Word Count: Ficlet 1:510; Ficlet 2:581
First, requested byzekkass, Jeeves/Bertie with the prompt "mind control">
“Jeeves?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You don’t happen to be skilled in hypnotic techniques, do you?”
“No, sir, although I have read a fascinating monograph on the use of hypnosis in psychoanalysis.”
“Are you sure you aren't some sort of expert hypnotist?”
“Indeed, sir.”
“Of course you’re sure; what a silly question for me to ask. It wasn’t mere curiosity that led me to this question, though. Oh no. This is a serious investigation. The rub is, I’ve not been acting like myself and I can think of no other way to explain it unless some external force is influencing my thoughts.”
“If you say so, sir.”
“I do say so, Jeeves. If you knew what I’ve been thinking you would agree with me.”
“If you would enlighten me, sir, perhaps I can assist.”
“Ah—I’m not sure I should, Jeeves.”
“Without information I can offer little advice on the matter.”
“Very well. Just keep in mind that these thoughts are not my own so I cannot be held accountable for them.”
“Of course, sir.”
“You see, it’s like this. I was walking down Savile Row when I saw a tie on a window mannequin. It was bright scarlet with little black dots, like a hundred “i”s that had lost their stems. It caught my eye, so I stopped to look at it, and yet—and here’s the kicker—I found that I had no desire to purchase said item. Now, under normal circs. that tie would be off the rack and destined to join my wardrobe in a flash and yet in this instance I rebuffed its siren call. Do you know why?”
“Dare I hope that you realized that the style was far too vulgar for a gentleman of taste?”
“No, Jeeves, and I’m not sure I like your impl—implacable—no—implication! That’s the word I want. I’m not sure I like your implication. I thought the tie was perfectly corking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what you would think of the tie, and I knew that you would not approve. The idea of facing your disappointment so disheartened me that the tie held no charms for Bertram Wooster.”
“Sir?”
“The fact is, Jeeves, I can’t get you out of my mind. I’m making decisions based on what I think would please you, even when you’re not there. That’s why I thought that you must have done some sort of hypnotic thingummy, to deal with garments you deem unsuitable before I even buy them. Although that wouldn’t explain why I want to...”
“What do you want to do, sir?”
“Oh, nothing, Jeeves, nothing at all. Well, not nothing, but nothing I care to say. Well, not nothing care to say, but nothing I should say. That is to say, I would say, if I could say, but I dare not so I shall not.”
“You say you ‘dare not?’”
“That’s right.”
“Perhaps I can guess, sir.”
“I doubt even you can guess so remarkable a thing as this, Jeeves. And if you did, you’d be off like a shot to escape the young master.”
“Perhaps I may surprise you.”
* * *
And second, requested bythirstyrobot, Jeeves/Wooster with the prompt "empty rooms."
“I think this is just the place, don’t you, Jeeves?” Bertie said, glancing at the wide windows and the high ceiling. “It’s a bright a cheery sort of domicile, what? Just the sort of thing to restore the spirits after the doom and gloom of the last few months. Mind you, it’s a bit small, but I’m sure we could make do.”
“I had noticed the deficiency of space, sir. I fear there won’t be much room for your piano here. Perhaps we should look at larger flats.”
Bertie waved aside the concern. “We already decided that I can’t afford the larger flats anymore, not with the stocks being as they are. I thought I’d just get rid of the old thing.” His tone was light, but his blue eyes were damp at the thought.
“Sir, that is not acceptable.”
“Unless you can think of some way of shrinking a piano--and as much as I admire your intelligence, I think such a feat is beyond even you--it will have to be acceptable. The piano won’t fit in the sitting room, short of removing all the other furniture, which would then leave the sitting room rather lacking in places to sit, and I can’t afford a flat with more space. Ergo, no piano.”
“Not necessarily, sir.” Jeeves had the calm and assured air of one who knew he had all the answers and would shortly enlighten the ignorant masses, perhaps with the aid of a stone tablet or two.
“What then? Throw a few cushions on it and have it double as a sofa? No, Jeeves, it’s hopeless. It simply will not fit.”
“Might I point out that there are other rooms, sir?”
“Do you mean,” Bertie paused, scrunching up his face in thought. “put it in the kitchen? No no no, that won’t do at all. Too messy for one thing. And I can’t say I care for the idea of you chopping vegetables on the piano top.”
“In fact, I was going to propose that you put it in the servant’s quarters. I think the piano’s dimensions are such that it would just fit.”
“But what about your bed?”
Jeeves raised his eyebrows suggestively. “I think it has become redundant.”
Bertie opened and shut his mouth, goldfish-like, before settling into a grin. “Does that mean...” Trailing off, he gestured vaguely between the two of them and then towards the master bedroom.
“Yes, sir. If it is agreeable to you, sir.”
“Agreeable? Of course it’s agreeable. I’ve been trying to get you to consider my bedroom yours for the past year, and every time I bring it up you say that you need a retreat, a sanctum, a place of privacy away from the young master. Are you saying that’s no longer the case?”
“I cannot guarantee that I won’t occasionally require a quiet space to be alone with my thoughts, but there are other rooms.” His eyes softened. “And I confess, the longer our romantic arrangement persists, the more amenable I find myself to lowering boundaries.”
Bertie took Jeeves by the hands and stepped close, but before he closed the remaining distance between them, doubt wrinkled his nose. “Are you sure this is what you want, Jeeves? I wouldn’t want you to feel that you have to give up something important to you just so I can have a daft musical instrument.”
“Quite sure. In lean times, sacrifices must be made, but this is not one of them.”
Author:
blackletterTitle: Ficlet 1: Hypnotic Suggestion; Ficlet 2: 1929
Rating: F for Fluffy. (Or G, if you prefer the more conventional rating system)
Word Count: Ficlet 1:510; Ficlet 2:581
First, requested by
zekkass, Jeeves/Bertie with the prompt "mind control">“Jeeves?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You don’t happen to be skilled in hypnotic techniques, do you?”
“No, sir, although I have read a fascinating monograph on the use of hypnosis in psychoanalysis.”
“Are you sure you aren't some sort of expert hypnotist?”
“Indeed, sir.”
“Of course you’re sure; what a silly question for me to ask. It wasn’t mere curiosity that led me to this question, though. Oh no. This is a serious investigation. The rub is, I’ve not been acting like myself and I can think of no other way to explain it unless some external force is influencing my thoughts.”
“If you say so, sir.”
“I do say so, Jeeves. If you knew what I’ve been thinking you would agree with me.”
“If you would enlighten me, sir, perhaps I can assist.”
“Ah—I’m not sure I should, Jeeves.”
“Without information I can offer little advice on the matter.”
“Very well. Just keep in mind that these thoughts are not my own so I cannot be held accountable for them.”
“Of course, sir.”
“You see, it’s like this. I was walking down Savile Row when I saw a tie on a window mannequin. It was bright scarlet with little black dots, like a hundred “i”s that had lost their stems. It caught my eye, so I stopped to look at it, and yet—and here’s the kicker—I found that I had no desire to purchase said item. Now, under normal circs. that tie would be off the rack and destined to join my wardrobe in a flash and yet in this instance I rebuffed its siren call. Do you know why?”
“Dare I hope that you realized that the style was far too vulgar for a gentleman of taste?”
“No, Jeeves, and I’m not sure I like your impl—implacable—no—implication! That’s the word I want. I’m not sure I like your implication. I thought the tie was perfectly corking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what you would think of the tie, and I knew that you would not approve. The idea of facing your disappointment so disheartened me that the tie held no charms for Bertram Wooster.”
“Sir?”
“The fact is, Jeeves, I can’t get you out of my mind. I’m making decisions based on what I think would please you, even when you’re not there. That’s why I thought that you must have done some sort of hypnotic thingummy, to deal with garments you deem unsuitable before I even buy them. Although that wouldn’t explain why I want to...”
“What do you want to do, sir?”
“Oh, nothing, Jeeves, nothing at all. Well, not nothing, but nothing I care to say. Well, not nothing care to say, but nothing I should say. That is to say, I would say, if I could say, but I dare not so I shall not.”
“You say you ‘dare not?’”
“That’s right.”
“Perhaps I can guess, sir.”
“I doubt even you can guess so remarkable a thing as this, Jeeves. And if you did, you’d be off like a shot to escape the young master.”
“Perhaps I may surprise you.”
* * *
And second, requested by
thirstyrobot, Jeeves/Wooster with the prompt "empty rooms."“I think this is just the place, don’t you, Jeeves?” Bertie said, glancing at the wide windows and the high ceiling. “It’s a bright a cheery sort of domicile, what? Just the sort of thing to restore the spirits after the doom and gloom of the last few months. Mind you, it’s a bit small, but I’m sure we could make do.”
“I had noticed the deficiency of space, sir. I fear there won’t be much room for your piano here. Perhaps we should look at larger flats.”
Bertie waved aside the concern. “We already decided that I can’t afford the larger flats anymore, not with the stocks being as they are. I thought I’d just get rid of the old thing.” His tone was light, but his blue eyes were damp at the thought.
“Sir, that is not acceptable.”
“Unless you can think of some way of shrinking a piano--and as much as I admire your intelligence, I think such a feat is beyond even you--it will have to be acceptable. The piano won’t fit in the sitting room, short of removing all the other furniture, which would then leave the sitting room rather lacking in places to sit, and I can’t afford a flat with more space. Ergo, no piano.”
“Not necessarily, sir.” Jeeves had the calm and assured air of one who knew he had all the answers and would shortly enlighten the ignorant masses, perhaps with the aid of a stone tablet or two.
“What then? Throw a few cushions on it and have it double as a sofa? No, Jeeves, it’s hopeless. It simply will not fit.”
“Might I point out that there are other rooms, sir?”
“Do you mean,” Bertie paused, scrunching up his face in thought. “put it in the kitchen? No no no, that won’t do at all. Too messy for one thing. And I can’t say I care for the idea of you chopping vegetables on the piano top.”
“In fact, I was going to propose that you put it in the servant’s quarters. I think the piano’s dimensions are such that it would just fit.”
“But what about your bed?”
Jeeves raised his eyebrows suggestively. “I think it has become redundant.”
Bertie opened and shut his mouth, goldfish-like, before settling into a grin. “Does that mean...” Trailing off, he gestured vaguely between the two of them and then towards the master bedroom.
“Yes, sir. If it is agreeable to you, sir.”
“Agreeable? Of course it’s agreeable. I’ve been trying to get you to consider my bedroom yours for the past year, and every time I bring it up you say that you need a retreat, a sanctum, a place of privacy away from the young master. Are you saying that’s no longer the case?”
“I cannot guarantee that I won’t occasionally require a quiet space to be alone with my thoughts, but there are other rooms.” His eyes softened. “And I confess, the longer our romantic arrangement persists, the more amenable I find myself to lowering boundaries.”
Bertie took Jeeves by the hands and stepped close, but before he closed the remaining distance between them, doubt wrinkled his nose. “Are you sure this is what you want, Jeeves? I wouldn’t want you to feel that you have to give up something important to you just so I can have a daft musical instrument.”
“Quite sure. In lean times, sacrifices must be made, but this is not one of them.”
no subject
Date: 2009-08-17 05:05 pm (UTC)Feel free to translate (and I'm blushingly flattered by the request). And happy birthday to your friend!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-18 10:57 am (UTC)And here is the link on translation:
http://pay.diary.ru/~Wodehouse/p78169370.htm