A Stinker of a Sex!fail

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

I apologise that this sex!fail comes sooo late... It's also probably the worst you'll ever read, so hold your breath.


Title: Flatulence
Pairing: W/J
Rating: NC-17

"Unless you mind terribly, I should, well, like to prepare myself," came the suggestion, accompanied by a watery smile.

"Very good, sir, if it puts you at ease," came the reply, accompanied by the twitching of an eyebrow.

Bertie smeared oil onto one finger, and with a grimace, pushed it inside himself.

Seconds later, a series of dull, bass noises, much like tiny bubbles popping in quick succession, echoed through the room, accompanied by a familiar stench that permeated every corner.

After both sound and smell had faded, Bertie was found rosy with embarrassment and indignation, avoiding eye contact with his valet. Jeeves however sported a facade of polite stoicism and complete absence of reaction, his gaze fixed on the little jar of oil.

"Must I say, 'I told you so', Jeeves?" Bertie fretted at length. "That ensues when something's poked up the wrong end!"

"My apologies, sir." Jeeves smiled reassuringly. "It was I who had the discretion to spare you, after all."

"Right ho, then," came the relieved chuckle. "The alternative, it seems, is that we stick to, ah, tackling your backdoor."

"A most judicious decision on your part, sir."

Bertie sighed happily as he clambered onto Jeeves, lifting the latter's long legs to surround his own waist.

"Besides, you're too much of a gentleman to possibly let flatulence to interfere with the throes of passion."

                                                                         ******************************************************

Comments

[jihime47.livejournal.com]

Great. Now my parents think that I must be insane.

--and now my brother came in and said that he could hear my laughter outside. Yup, insane.

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for braving accusations of insanity!!! :->

[jihime47.livejournal.com]

Sex!fail being the best way to lose your mind.

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Aha! That's the flavour of the day.

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

OH. *laughs* XD

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Thankies!

[feanix.livejournal.com]

Oh.

Best. Sex!Fail. Ever.

Awfully embarrassing, lol. For anyone!

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Yeah, a bit of a paradox, what? Thank you so much! :->

[pipariperho.livejournal.com]

ROFL! Hilarious.

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It ain't hilarious for Bertie though... :->

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

ahhahahahahaaaaa

Sex!Fail!

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

It's an indigestible sex!fail!!! Thank you so much! :->

[storyfan.livejournal.com]

Very funny. And I mean very.

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. And I mean very. :->

[lady529.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I agree with feanix, this is the best sex!fail ever. EVER! I absolutely love it <3

The Lady 529

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Thank you sooo much. One way of endorsing Bertie's excuses! :->

[lady529.livejournal.com]

Certainly is X D

I'm giggling now, just from thinking about this fic. So good <3

The Lady 529

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

*dies of choking on giggles and coffee*
Best. Sex!Fail. Evar.

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

Actually I was surprised that nobody had thought of something this embarrassing before... Thank you just so much! :->

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

I honestly think it's just that no one's been bold enough to actually DO it. You pioneer in smut, you!

[niektete.livejournal.com]

King of sex!fail! *roflmao* Ah, that's great! ^^

[amethystaura.livejournal.com]

A word of appreciation from the one who sparked it off? Thank you, baby! :->

[emeraldreeve.livejournal.com]

Lol! Poor Bertie!