Sex!fail challenge "Rub a dub, dub"
Mar. 11th, 2009 10:33 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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indeedsir_backupDisclaimer: Jeeves and Wooster belong to Wodehouse, not to me. But they have to tidy up once in a while.
Notes: I know we've already had a bathtub drabble (which was very cute, by the way), but I couldn't resist. No beta, all mistakes are mine.
Rating: Nc-17 just to be sure.
“Dash it all Jeeves, I was sure this would work.”
“Sir, as I believe I pointed out in the beginning, we are both far too tall for such an escapade.”
“And you’ve pointed it out several times since. Cease and desist pointing it out.”
“Very good, sir.”
A wave of soapy water sloshed over the side of the tub as Bertie tried to unjam his left foot from between the hot water handle and the faucet.
“Good Lord, Jeeves, why are my feet so big?”
“A person of your stature requires a firm foundation, sir. You’ll also recall that the length of a man’s foot is indicative of...”
“Jeeves, for once you’re not helping. Do be quiet and think of something.”
“As you wish, sir.”
Bertie, seated between Jeeves’ thighs and with his back against Jeeves’ wide chest, pushed backward once more in an effort to free his foot.
“Jeeves, you’ll just have to crawl out from behind me and get out. It’s the only way.”
“I’ve a better idea, sir, if you’ll consider it.”
“Anything, anything.”
“Well, sir,” Jeeves said as he wrapped his arms around Bertie’s waist, “perhaps a relaxation technique will prove useful.”
“Relax! How in the bloody hell can I relax? I’m stuck in this bathtub if you haven’t noticed. Really, Jeeves, you’ll need to eat more fish if that’s the best you can do.”
Jeeves slid his right hand between Bertie’s legs.
“Like this, sir.”
Bertie knocked his hand away. “Jeeves, could this possibly wait until my trapped appendage is no longer trapped?”
“Very well, sir.”
Jeeves gripped the rim of the tub and tried to push himself upright, but he caught one knee under Bertie’s armpit.
“Sir, if you’ll slide forward a short distance.”
Bertie slid, his buttocks squeaking on the bottom of the tub.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Anytime, Jeeves. Could you possibly hurry?”
“Certainly, sir.” Bracing one hand on Bertie’s head, Jeeves stepped cautiously out of the tub and onto the tile floor.
“I’m not a bally newel post, Jeeves,” Bertie sputtered after Jeeves let go of his head.
“I would never associate your head with a block of wood, sir.”
“Well, you don’t have to sound so pipped.”
“Of course not, sir.”
Bertie leaned back on his hands and wiggled his foot.
“Good Lord, Jeeves, now I’ve got a cramp!”
“Please hand me that bar of soap, sir.”
“Jeeves, I don’t need a scrubbing right now.”
“Sir, I will use the soap to extricate your foot.”
Bertie handed over the bar. Jeeves dampened his employer’s foot and began to soap it.
Bertie snorted twice and began giggling. “Jeeves,” he said breathlessly, “you do remember that...that...”
“You’re ticklish, sir? Yes, I do.”
“Then could you..stop?”
“No, sir.”
Bertie gasped with laughter and then lost his balance and fell backward. He emerged almost as fast as he went under.
Bertie squeezed his eyes shut and spat out a mouthful of water. “Jeeves, how could you? Where’s the towel?”
A towel appeared in his hand as Bertie got to his feet.
“Jeeves, I will never...Great guns, I’m free!” Bertie opened his eyes and looked around the room in amazement.
“Rummy situation, what? Just think if we’d have had to call for help, old thing. It would have been two years at hard labor.”
He shuddered elaborately and started to exit the tub.
“Be careful, sir.”
Bertie’s foot hit the floor, then slipped out from under him. He fell into Jeeves who couldn’t keep either of them from falling to the wet, slippery tiles.
“Sir, your elbow is in my...”
“Oh, so sorry, Jeeves. Any damage, old thing?”
“Not that I can ascertain at the moment, sir.”
Bertie got to his feet and reached out a hand to help Jeeves to his. They gazed at the tub, the puddled floor and the pile of dripping towels.
“If you recall, sir...”
“Oh, all right, Jeeves. Honestly, must you always be right?”
Jeeves raised his eyebrows a fraction.
“Yes, we should have tried the kitchen table instead. Are you happy now?”
“I shall be, sir.”
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Date: 2009-03-12 07:47 am (UTC)It was hilarious, really :-)
I hope they will go for the next round, on the kitchen table, and it won't be a sex fail :-))
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Date: 2009-03-12 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 09:21 am (UTC)“I would never associate your head with a block of wood, sir.”
Laughs.
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Date: 2009-03-12 01:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 09:27 am (UTC)Heh, I laughed at Bertie's squeaky butt.
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Date: 2009-03-12 12:50 pm (UTC)“I shall be, sir.”
THIS WAS QUICKLY FOLLOWED BY AN AMAZING SEQUEL. XD
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Date: 2009-03-12 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-03-12 01:25 pm (UTC)“I would never associate your head with a block of wood, sir.”
:-)
PurpleFluffyCat x
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Date: 2009-03-12 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-12 09:04 pm (UTC)PurpleFluffyCat x
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Date: 2009-03-12 08:18 pm (UTC)that mental image FTW! xD
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