A Fanfic From the Past

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

Title: Good Lord, Jeeves
Genre: AU
Rating: G
Author: J. Maclaren-Ross

Notes: This is not my own work.  This was found in the book Yours, Plum: The Letters of P.G. Wodehouse on pages 255 to 257. The work is from J. Maclaren-Ross and was originally published in Punch on May 20, 1953. As with Plum’s works, the slash is implied, though I personally feel that this ficlet is rather on the damsel in distress side of things, even for Bertie.

I have reproduced the work as it appears on the page, punctuation, spelling, format, everything.

.

‘Good Lord, Jeeves’

Punch, 20 May 1953, by J. Maclaren-Ross

 

All unconscious of impending doom I was gnawing a solitary bone at the Drones Club and wistfully recalling that golden age when coves like Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright and Barmy Fotheringay-Phipps had reigned supreme, filling the air around with snappy dialogue and bread rolls bandied to-and-fro. I’d reached the point, after a few shots of cognac imbibed to assist the gastric juices, when a less reserved chappie would have burst into the chorus of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ or wondered, with the poet, where the jolly old neiges of a. had got to nowadays, and it was in this mellow mood that I became suddenly aware of two birds in formal attire bearing down on me from across the banqueting hall – now, alas, empty save for the last of the Woosters.

                Though the advancing figures were clearly recognizable as Sir Roderick Glossop and Sir Watkyn Bassett CBE, JP, respectively, it took me some moments to realize that these knights were actually present in the flesh, and by the time it’d sunk in that they weren’t mere shades conjured up from the mists of m. or the pages of a cheap edition chronicling some past kick of the heels, they were already standing over my table with expressions that betokened business.

                Sir Watkyn was the first to give tongue, and at his tone of voice even my iron nerve began to describe a graceful arc. I felt a kinship with those private eyes of American lit., who glance up from a newly-discovered stiff to find the boys from the Homicide Squad standing around, idly swinging their black-jacks in preparation for a cosy chat about the case.

                ‘Mr Wooster,’ said the former bane of Bosher Street, ‘we are from the Ministry of Rehabilitation. We were informed that the club secretary was to be found lunching in this room.’

                ‘I’m the Hon. Sec., Sir Watkyn,’ I said: an honest admission received by Sir Roderick with what brothers of the PEN qualify as a mirthless chuckle.

                ‘A suitable nominee for an institution so named, do you not concur, Bassett?’ he said.

                ‘Especially apt in view of the establishment’s future function,’ Sir W. agreed. ‘You are, of course, aware, Mr Wooster, that these premises have been requisitioned w.e.f. today’s date as a State Home for the Mentally Deficient…’

                ‘…and that I, as Governmental Psychiatrist,’ said Sir Roderick, coming in pat on his cue, ‘will be in charge of the scheme, which is to be implemented forthwith.’

                ‘Here, I say,’ I protested, rallying from the ropes, as one who recovers from a right cross, ‘you can’t do that, you know! The members won’t stand for it!’

                ‘There are no members, Mr Wooster,’ Sir Watkyn said, planting another banderilo in the quivering hide. ‘We’ve already ascertained that. And if it is the free board and lodging which as club secretary you receive here that causes your patent anxiety, why, you are in no danger of losing it. Sir Roderick, I am sure, will gladly sign the certificate insuring your future as an inmate of the Home- eh, Glossop?’

                It was the KO delivered with full force to the softer parts of the anat. I had crumpled over the table, gasping for breath, when through the loud singing in my ears a familiar and well-loved voice spoke sharply, scattering the opponents to right and left.

                ‘Gentlemen,’ it said, ‘I wish to have a word in private with Mr Wooster, if you please.’

                The big fight was over. Before you could say Sugar Ray Robinson, sir Roderick and W. Bassett had beaten it, murmuring ‘Yes, Minister,’ and ‘Certainly, Lord Jeeves,’ in the most obsequious of accents, and the hand, it seemed, of a ministering angel was holding a beaker of brandy to my lips.

                ‘Jeeves,’ I said fervently, ‘lives there a man with soul so dead as to resist the incomparable Jeeves?’

                ‘Thank you, sir. The tribute is much appreciated.’

                ‘I merely quote from The Daily Herald. But wait a sec.,’ I said, as full consciousness flooded back to the brain, ‘didn’t I hear those two blighters address you as Minister? And Lord Jeeves? Or was it a dream?

                ‘The Government has been kind enough to reward my trifling services with a peerage, and also by inclusion in the Cabinet, sir.’

                ‘As Minister of Re-Thing?’

                ‘Habilitation, sir. A little more brandy, if I might suggest? I feel this news has come as a grave shock to you, sir.’

                ‘Worse than that, Jeeves. The loss of this job would be the last straw.’ I raised my measure on high. ‘To your success, Jeeves, which you dashed well deserve.’

                ‘Thank you, sir. But you were saying about your position as secretary here, and its importance to you…’

                ‘Supreme importance, Jeeves, financially speaking. Nationalization and surtax have taken their toll. The Wooster millions are, in fact, down the drain. Need I say more?’

                ‘It is a plight shared by many in these times, sir. Your friends are unable to assist?’

                ‘Friends,’ I echoed bitterly. ‘Shall I show you the typed note I had from Mrs bingo Little’s secretary? Or the stern refusal received from Stiffy Byng’s spouse, the Bishop of Blandings, formerly the Rev. Stinker Pinker? The receipt of such missives is souring to one’s sunny nature, Jeeves.’

                ‘Man is an ungrateful animal, sir. But perhaps I might be of some little help, if you’d allow me…’

                ‘How?’

                ‘The offer of employment, sir?’

                ‘What kind of employment?’

                ‘I hesitate to say, sir.’

                ‘Don’t hesitate. Out with it. Beggars can’t be c., Jeeves.’

                ‘Well, sir, the post of secretary to the Junior Ganymede club has fallen vacant in the past week. I could confidently promise you the appointment if you so desire.’

                ‘But the Junior Ganymede’s a club for gentlemen’s personal gentlemen. How could I get in?’

                ‘By accepting a temporary position as my personal attendant, sir….If I may say so, you would not find me too exacting an employer.’

                We Woosters are nothing if not adaptable. My hesitation was of the briefest. ‘Jeeves,’ I said, ‘you’re on! Let’s drink to that!’

                ‘Thank you,’ said Jeeves, as I ladled out liberal portions. ‘Er - …not all the soda, Wooster.’

                ‘No, sir,’ I said, falling without effort into the new role. ‘I will endeavour to give you satisfaction, sir…I mean, m’lord.’

 

 

Comments

[waqaychay.livejournal.com]

this is certainly a new one to me! thank you for taking the time to type it all out. :D

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

THIS WAS MADE OF THE FINEST GOSSAMER OF AWESOME.

Way to go, history.

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

I just wish there was a way to get in contact with the original author. They would undoubtedly be flooded with unanticipated praise.

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

Yes, but it looks like he's quite dead. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_Maclaren-Ross)

But on the up side, there looks like some not-so-subtle implications that he was a Jooster slasher! That's how I want to go, still slashing my way to the grave. *pours more whiskey on the ground* And another for my homies.

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

I had noticed his deadness in my massive OMG A HISTORIC FANFIC-ER research. I had ten tabs open to various references to this fellow's work, hoping he had produced something else in the Jooster area. No such luck, it seems.

I really do feel he was a Jooster slasher, though. Of course, I do like to view the world through a lovely slashy haze..

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Hear hear! *holds a bowler over her heart and lifts a martini glass high*

[georgeodowd.livejournal.com]

Where specifically did you find the not-so-subtle implications (if you remember by this late date, naturally)?
I came across this in my search and thought it interesting, if somewhat tenuously connected to the current discussion:
http://www.oscholars.com/TO/Appendix/Library/Maclaren-Ross.htm

There was also mention of Wodehouse praising Maclaren's literary works. I wonder, was it before or after the above... hee.

[katelynna10000.livejournal.com]

hora! it might be the first evidence that Oscar obsession leads directly to fanfiction! XDD

[blackletter]

This is marvelous!

We're all part of a grand tradition that spans generations. *nods solemnly*

[dreamwaffles.livejournal.com]

Us and the Sherlockians. :D

(this fandom is my happy fandom, though. Holmes can be a bit angsty for me. Shhh.)

[blackletter]

Ack! I know! I'm currently working on a cross-over and the blending of moods has been driving me batty. I'm about ready to just say, "Screw it. The plot's a dark, Holmesian plot and Bertie will just have to cope."

[dreamwaffles.livejournal.com]

I wish you the best of luck, I know the feeling when the characters won't cooperate.

Currently I'm writing a Holmes fic which is pretty dark, , though admittedly not as dark as some of the Holmes plots I've seen. I just have trouble writing dark things; most of the stuff I write is lighter. I like my fluff.

Basically, Watson has magical powers. :D He was a totally awesome powerful Magus until Afghanistan, when he forswore magic, but a case came up where he had to admit to Holmes that actually, yes, he knows what happened and not only that, he's the one who has to fix it...good times. But it's got a lot of angst. LOTS. Gah.

[blackletter]

Well, I *love* angst, so I'll look forward to your fic!

[dreamwaffles.livejournal.com]

It's slash, which makes it automatically more angsty. :D I just have to figure out how exactly to work it into the plot; I want it to play a role, not just be on the side.

[reggieism.livejournal.com]

I LOVE IT XD this is so fab! *agrees with Tried*

[applea.livejournal.com]

CRAZY BERTIE? D:

HE FINALLY SNAPPED?

But...JEEVES GOT RECOGNITIN! : D

And he SAVED THE WOOSTER MIND!

And...I'm too shell shocked from awesome and lack of sleep to stop yelling. Thank you for posting this lovley thing. : )

[carpecarpem.livejournal.com]

Yay for Wiki research. I seriously learn something new every day. And thanks for posting this!

[rose-gialle.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-)

[mxdp.livejournal.com]

YESSSSSSAWESOMENESSSSS :D
Thank you so much for finding this treasure!

[soul-bonnie.livejournal.com]

This is awesome!!! But also sad. Poor Bertie... I actually like him slightly better than Jeeves because of his "sunny nature"... And all his friends leaving him when he always helped him!! Shame!

Thanks so much for diiging this up! ^^

(And I so squealed when I read "well-loved voice"... ^^)

[iugularemortuos.livejournal.com]

Excellent find, and thanks for typing it up!

And aw, poor Bertie. He finally went loopy.

[pipariperho.livejournal.com]

Oh my, how lovely. Thank you so much for sharing.

[random-nexus.livejournal.com]

Oh my, but you are made of awesome and pie a la mode for taking the trouble to share this! This is so subtly slashy that you just know there was a private next chapter or two where Bertie no doubt 'endeavoured to give satisfaction' indeed. *wistful grin*

It's so satisfying to be part of such a time-honoured tradition (as well as fun!).

[antony-james-k.livejournal.com]

I've been a part of this community for what, three and a half years now, and I've not seen anything like this. Historical evidence and all.

It's beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us!

[lady529.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for sharing, really appreciated it : D

The Lady 529

[chaoticchaos13.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I should find fic more often. I wonder what haunts other Plum-based books....hmmm.

[emeraldreeve.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing!

[niektete.livejournal.com]

Huh! That's interesting, to say the least. 50+ year old fanfic; hells yeah ^^ Thanks ever so much for taking the time to share :)

[chibi-wolvie.livejournal.com]

First, I must say, thank you for the sharing ^^

The oldes fanfiction to Jooster I've ever seen ^^ This is so awesome ^^

[georgeodowd.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad there are people keeping an eye out for things like this! You've really made my day.

[gini-baggins.livejournal.com]

That is wonderful! Thank you for sharing this :)

[with-rainfall.livejournal.com]

Topping, it's ancient J&W fanfic! Poor Bertie, too.