indeedsir_backup | Fic: Kitty, Rosemary, and the King of Cups (Reply)

bonus: if you guess where inspiration from the title comes from...icon?

Title: Kitty, Rosemary, and the Knight of Cups

Author: Felicia Angel

Rating: PG-13

Characters: Bertie, Jeeves

Warnings: techno-babble, mentions of m/m relations, and other odd things

Summary: Bertie’s never known a man like Jeeves, but he has known a woman like him. Returning after six years absence and in search of a friend, Bertie finds himself in the center of a rather odd drama, and with Jeeves helping to keep things straight, as always.

Author’s Notes: pure and utter crack, but is fun, isn’t it? My friend mishklet helped me write it up and come up with some of the characters, which is also fun, so thank her for that and the odd relationships within.

It is not everyday that you receive a telegram from an old friend, and even so, it’s further between that you get one from such a girl as Rosemary Lillian Winceson, stating she’s on an ocean liner headed for England and would you please, on the seventeenth, pick her up so she can commence with finding her friend? I was quite happy to get such a notice, for Jeeves was on holiday until the eighteenth and I had decided to stay out of trouble that whole time. With only a week left to get the spare room ready, for I was sure that Rosy Rosemary wouldn’t have any other place to stay, I set about to it and on the early day I headed over with a few of the Drones who’d met her before and who all wanted to see her again, if only to ensure she was still as pretty and also to see if she was available.

We didn’t wait long, as shortly after a few people had gotten off, I saw her waving in a rather colorful outfit that was all the rage in some ways but would have Jeeves giving it glaring looks like he had so many others before she launched herself and hugged me closely, kissing both my cheeks before I even got in a “what ho, Rosy!” then smiling at the rest.

“Bertie, you have no idea how glad I am to see you!” she said happily before ticking off the normal greetings and thereof then asking, in a pleading voice, if we could return to my abode and allow her to rest. I had no fault in that and we headed off to the a., happily chatting about nonsense in the car before getting in and she all but collapsing on the couch.

“Bingo’s still looking at every pretty face, huh?” she asked simply as she took off her shoes and accepted the w. and s. from me as I smiled.

“I think he was almost married a few times. Biffy got hitched, though, and to a girl he could remember the name of.”

“You’re joking! Biffy can’t remember his own name half the time! I hope she’s a nice girl.”

“Seemed to be, what I met of her, which wasn’t a whole lot. All I saw of actually her was acting as a statue before Biffy broke the plate glass to get to her.”

Rosy laughed a little at this, drinking up before saying, “Bertie, I’m at a loss.”

“What’s wrong, Rosy?”

“It’s my friend, Kitty. Well, her full name is Catherine Alyson King, but I call her Kitty. Anyway, she disappeared a little while ago and I found out she’s here, and it’s just my luck I get stuck on an ocean liner for two weeks! I cannot tell you how often I wanted to scream at some of those people, but enough about that.” One of the things about Rosy was she had these particular biases towards what she called “stupid smart people”. She had, last time, met up with Florence Cray and the result had not been pretty for Florence, and had gotten me out of an engagement to a…oh, I forgot the poor girl’s name (not because she was forgettable, mind, but because she was moved to France and ended up marrying someone there and we never saw each other again), but she was so annoyed with the type of friends I kept re: Rosy that she called it off. I was engaged to Rosy for all of two weeks before she had to pop off suddenly and now, six years later, I was happy to see she’d come out of the thing looking as chipper and happy as when she was settling down with the notion of marrying me. Not that such a things seems bad, I suppose, but she’s a smart girl. In all honesty, I think the only person I know as smart and great as her is Jeeves, and I can tell you I was quite happy to find that there were two such people in the world.

“So Kitty’s up and disappeared, and now it’s up to us to find her?” I summarized, “Sounds easy, except, of course, she’s lost in London.”

“I know,” Rosy muttered, “It’s horrible, Bertie, thinking that my friend’s lost and alone in the world.”

“Oh, I know the feeling, though I must admit it was more for me being lost then a friend…well, except maybe Barmey or Biffy, but either way, I shall do my best. I think we should rest on it, though, and ask Jeeves in the morning.”

I saw Rosy blink a few times, as she did whenever something popped into her bean about what I’d said that seemed all that and a bag of chips today but meant something else in her mind. It got confusing, as when I first met her we couldn’t, at times, make heads nor tails of what the other one meant, but we got around it quick enough. “Ask…Jeeves?”

“Yes. He’s my gentleman’s personal gentleman, and a right smart one he is too! Honestly, had he come along right after you, I wouldn’t have gotten in some of the spots I did as a careless youth.”

“What happened to the other one?”

I shrugged, explaining how Jeeves and I met to her delight and laughter before saying, “He sounds wonderful. Alright then, I’ll meet him, as if I don’t have a choice, and hopefully we’ll think of something short of putting up another engagement announcement in the papers.”

“Oh, if we did that, we’d have Aunt Agatha down upon us.”

She pondered this for all of five seconds before saying, “Maybe we should surprise Jeeves then.”

“Oh no. One does not simply surprise Jeeves in such a way, for he’ll think it was against my will and do what he can to get rid of you, like you’re purple socks or an Alpine hat.”

“…what?”

After explaining Jeeves, which took a good deal longer, Rosy sat back and finally said, “I still want to try it. A lot of people read papers, and if we announce it, maybe she’ll see and come by. If anything, it’ll keep any of those females who see you as a fresh slice of beef off your back for a while.”

Well, dash it, when you put something like that, there’s no other way to make it sound like a good enough reason to take the plunge, Aunt Agatha or not. On top of that, for all that I might worry about Rosy having to face up against my dear Aunt, she made an impression on everyone who met her last, and if I recall correctly met Aunt Agatha as well. I honestly think she might have put the notion into her head that I needed a strong woman to mold me. Of course, the only other strong woman she knew was Honoria Glossop, and I still shudder to remember her. At least Rosy doesn’t attempt to bowl over me and she hasn’t said anything about getting rid of Jeeves, but she also hadn’t met him yet.

“Now what’s wrong?”

“I just…well, dash it, I don’t want to step around Jeeves with things, and it’ll come out at one point, where you’re from and the like. He’ll be disappointed, possibly enough in me that he will leave, and it was bad enough when I was trying to learn the horn and he didn’t approve. Granted I was making an awful ruckus with it, but I was learning.” She was watching me as I said this, and I felt myself shift at that sudden thought that she would ask to get rid of Jeeves, and take over with taking care of the household.

“Bertie,” she said quietly, “I’m not going to try and get rid of Jeeves.”

“You aren’t?”

“He’s obviously too important to you,” she pointed out, “and I’m only here for a full year before I skip back.”

“Skip? I thought it was sort of popping…”

She smiled. “Nope, I skipped like a rock, and let me tell you, that wasn’t fun. One of the many reasons I want to find my friend. The guy in charge said that it’s different for everyone, so I have to find her before she skips or pops or fizzes or whatever she decides to do.”

Of course, this made sense if you knew what she was talking about, which I did to a point. She explained it, and even helped out the Drones’ explain it through cards, birdies, and two balls of long twine. She also explained some other theories too and with much the same aspect, which was fun to watch and even easier to understand.

“Right, well then, should I give a ring and announce it? I think Jeeves might get back in time to help with damage control.”

“Ah, and I was hoping to at least say ‘hello’ to him, or at least let him relax first,” she gave a smile before I headed to the phone.

-Jeeves-

There have been many points during my time with Mr. Wooster that I have, sadly, had to leave him alone while I either took holiday or was asked to help butler for a family member or friend. While he does not express much distress at this, his face is very open to what he is thinking, and it obvious that these breaks pain him in some way or another. He often will remain in either the same area or avoid certain things like the plague, as the first few times that I had left he found himself in areas of distress by venturing too far. I did not expect anything surprising, so I was quite taken aback when I read in the paper that he was engaged to someone that I had no knowledge of, and said engagement had only happened yesterday.

It had not been long after I came into the service of Mr. Wooster that I learned he was not like some of the others. He was fine with being a bachelor, and while appreciating females he was also not one to look upon marriage or even fatherhood in the same light as some others. Indeed, he avoided those things unless convinced either had merits, and spent as much time as he could avoiding such things as engagements. That he willingly went into one, and to a person I had not heard of in his society, meant that, perhaps, there was something else going on. Of course, I could not see Mr. Wooster doing such a thing that would require him to marry someone no matter what, and I was determined to find out the truth.

Sadly, it appeared that I was third in line for that privilege, as when I arrived, Mr. Wooster cast me a happy glance, ushering me into the kitchen to mutter, “Thank God you’ve returned, Jeeves! Aunt Agatha and Lady Florence Cray are all here! I’m beside myself, though Rosy’s doing a good job of keeping them occupied.”

“Rosy, sir?” I asked.

“Oh Lord, I’m sorry I didn’t mention her before, but…dash it all, it was six years ago when I first met her, and I thought I’d never see her again, then she sent me a ‘gram, asking to stay over, and next thing I know, I’m engaged to her again. No, I don’t need out of it, she’ll probably break it off gently and move into ‘we’re just friends’ or something, and right now she’s working through six years of Florence Cray being herself. She’s a great girl, Jeeves, she really is. But we’re just doing this to throw people off, and we were trying to find her friend, figured she’d see an announcement and hop over. How was your holiday, by the by?”

“It was relaxing, sir,” I said, unsure how else to answer, “Sir, am I to understand it is not a real engagement?”

“It’s only as real as it might last a year then she’ll skip off again to where she’s from. She explained it once, but she had to use cards, twine, two dogs, and some badminton birdies…or was that just because we were at the Drones? Anyway, she can explain it, I can’t.”

I raised my eyebrow at the mention as he continued, “Anyway, just stay here and relax. I don’t need anything else on my mind, and I’d rather you unpack and start dinner or something instead of dealing with Aunt Agatha and Lady Florence. We’ll handle that. I’ll come in and give the all-clear, than you can meet Rosy.”

“Very good sir,” I managed before he headed back, though I do not know what he said to either Mrs. Gregson or Lady Florence, but soon they were gone and he came in to give the ‘all-clear’. I had been able to get comfortable and put my luggage away, and walked out to meet the engaged lady.

I blinked at her dress and she smiled at me, stating she hadn’t gotten a chance to go shopping and get ‘something a little quieter’ and that I could take it to ‘suffer the same fate as the purple socks, Alpine hat, and any other articles of clothing that Bertie must’ve thought was nice but wasn’t’. I thanked her and found myself with a mild dislike of her, though it was soon obvious that she didn’t share it, only thought of me as someone to talk normally to, instead of as a servant to an almost-mistress. I headed back into the kitchen and soon Mr. Wooster had returned, asking me my thoughts on the girl.

“Miss Winceson is quite…odd, sir.”

Mr. Wooster let out a breath. “You’ve no idea, Jeeves, none.” At that he gave a smile that I had earlier assumed was reserved for either myself or maybe a few close friends, though said close friends never did seem to get such a smile unless I had suggested a way for them to get out of a predicament. “She’s something, that is for sure, and I would marry her, if she’d take me.”

I frowned at the tone and looked over at Mr. Wooster. “Sir, you believe she would not wish to marry you?”

“Oh, she said I’d be a perfect match for her…spot on with everything, she says, but…well, never mind. What’s for dinner, by the by?”